Thursday, August 2, 2012

College is Coming Up!

With less than two weeks before I leave to be all alone in Utah for college, I figured I would throw out some things I'm feeling about this whole college thing. 

I'm so excited! I can't wait to be independent and meet new people. It will be so amazing, this new chapter of my life. I can't wait to have roommates that will hopefully be my friends throughout this year and more to come. I'm excited to learn and to grow and to be myself. I'm excited for the "college experience" (Mormon-edition ;]). I'm excited for my future to begin. For everything I've done for my daughter to pay off for me; not that it hasn't yet, but college was one of the main reasons I placed her. I wanted to be able to have a college education, something that may not have happened had I decided to parent.

I'm nervous for all the same reasons I'm excited. I'm nervous I won't make friends and I'll be that lone. loser. I'm nervous I'll fail all my classes. I'm nervous I won't be able to manage my time or study effectively. I'm nervous I'll never figure out what I want to do, I'll never decide on my major. I'm nervous that I'll gain 15 pounds (or more!), when really, I need to loose about that much to be at my pre-baby weight (boo! haha). I'm nervous to be independent and all alone with my best friend two hours away, my other all the way across the country, and my mom two states away. The longest I've been away from my mom is two weeks. I'm scared to be away from her. I'll have my grandparents, but they aren't the same as my mom. 

I'm so ridiculously frustrated with the U right now. I'm not feeling like elaborating, but I'm pretty much asking questions and getting wishy-washy and inconsistent answers. Answers that I need because I need to know exactly how much college is going to cost me this year and if it's not all covered under my financial aid, I need to take out loans, which I'm more than willing to do, but I need to know. And right now, I'm not getting the answers I need so I can be productive in paying for college. It makes me want to scream!!! I hate relying and waiting on other people. But, I'm trying to be patient.

That's about all I can think of at the moment. But I do want to say that, no matter how frustrated I am with the U right now, I know it's the place for me. While in Utah early July, I had to go to Weber to get some papers. It was weird being there. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I felt lost and confused and unwelcome. No one said a word to me and it was just.. uncomfortable and, despite the 100-degree weather, cold. When I went to the U, although it's not BYU or SVU, not church related, I felt the spirit so strong. My prayers and worries and concerns were answered and addressed. This is the place for me. This is where I belong. I felt it and I knew it. Though I'd never even seen the campus, it was so familiar and so comfortable. 
It was love♥

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