Saturday, January 22, 2011

Angela&Connor Visit!

The few weeks previous to telling Danya and Kevin we were choosing them were pretty darn uneventful.
I think I got a cold, which pretty much sucks when your pregnant because you can seriously take nothing.
I got heartburn a lot too, which
also stinks.
But that, however was quickly solved with the wonder
ful and magical Pepid AC.
So, I was a pretty happy ca
I slept well, I ate well, I relaxed enough, I got enough exercise; I was happy.
I was also really really excited because my aunt and cousin were coming to visit from Dubai!
CJ hadn't seen Connor since he was little little, like 3 months old, so he was pretty excited too
We went to the airport to pick them up and were so excited when they finally arrived!
The next week was really fun. We went to the beach, the races, ate lots of food, and hung out.

The whole time we were there, Angela was totally convinced that I was going to have Lilly. Especially since we were out walking around a
lot. However, I didn't.
But CJ and I did learn one valuable thing: We were so not ready to be parents. Connor was almost two, and man was he a hand full!
He was all over the place all the time and he had so much energy. I was so tired out by the end of the week.
Here are a few photos of Connor and our week. :]

Telling Them.

So when we went to our meeting that Thursday with Sharri, we told her all about Kevin and Danya and how amazing they were and everything.
Then, she asked if we were picking them for sure.
Well, of course we were!! They were so awesome and such amazing people that it would have been impossible to find any better.
She then suggested that we call them or email them or whatever as soon as possible so they weren't waiting and waiting to find out if we had made a decision.
We wanted to send something cute in the mail, like flowers or candy or cookies or something like "Guess who's adopting a little girl!", but we were worried it would take way too long, and we didn't want to keep them on pins and needles.
Then, my mom suggested that I call them then.
Like, right then.
As in, during our meeting, right there.
What? Right now? What do I say?
I was so nervous because I didn't want to sound stupid.
Now that I think back on it, it was kind of stupid for me to be so nervous.
I knew I was probably going to forget everything I would plan to say, so I wrote it down.
It was something along the lines of "So we just wanted to let you know that we are picking you to adopt or daughter" or something like that.
The seventeen words that changed our lives.
Danya picked up and Kevin was at work, so I told her.
She sounded so excited, but at the same time kind of surprised.
I'm surprised I didn't cry.
I think right then was the first time I realized how happy I was making these people.
These amazing people who I barely knew, yet knew so well.
These people who I love so much and will love the rest of my life.
These people who would become my family.
These people who would be the parents of my little girl.
I realized how badly they wanted what I could have so easily.
I realized that they were my child's parents.
I realized how happy I was for them.
It was an awesome moment and I don't think I'll ever forget it.♥

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

When We First Met.

So Sharri said we could send them an email if we wanted to learn more about them or even meet them.
I was all over that idea!
She did make it clear, though, that, even if we weren't picking them for sure, we could still meet them and everything.
So that night I started to write the most important email in my life. Not to mention the hardest.
What do I say?
What's appropriate to say?
Do we send a picture?
What if they don't like us?
What if they've been chosen already?
I think I was surprised at some of the thoughts that ran through my head. I think I even thought, Do I tell them I'm pregnant?
But I think that shows just how nervous I was.
These people weren't just anyone.
They were the possible parents of my daughter.
This email HAD to be perfect!
I basically told them our ages, how far along I was[34 weeks(:], that I was having a girl, and that I loved their profile.
Even though I received an email only a day later, it seemed like eternity.
They said they lived in Hemet[which is only an hour and a half away!] and they would love to meet us or talk on the phone whenever we were ready.
Heck yes I was ready!
We emailed back and forth for a few days and set up a date to meet[which I think was July 19th, which was mine and CJ's 20 month anniversary(would it be anniversary? Oh well)(:]
We decided to meet at Red Robin, which was just down the street from Disneyland :], for dinner.
I decided to send them a picture of CJ and I so they would know what we looked like.
We arrived at our normal 30 minutes early since we were with my mom, so we pretty much waited in the car until CJ's mom, Tiffiny, got there and it was time to go in.
We brought pictures of CJ and I when we were babies, some pictures of family members, and some other things.
When it was finally time, I was so nervous.
We walked into Red Robin and sat for just a few minutes when they walked in.
I think my hands were shaking, and my palms were sweating. I could barely talk I was so nervous.
We were seated at a table and ordered some onion rings[the best onion rings ever might I add(:] and talked.
It was so great.
The conversation flowed and it seemed like everyone was having such a great time.
We ordered our food, talked some more, showed them the pictures, took some pictures, until it was time to leave.
I was kind of sad, but also excited because we were starting this amazing relationship with these two incredible people.
Before CJ, Tiffiny, my mom, and I left, the four of us decided to meet at Downtown Disney for a Chocolate Chip Cookie Sundae at ESPN zone, which is a huge chocochip cookie baked in a skillet with tons of ice cream&whipped cream piled on top. Its pretty dang close to heaven in a skillet.
We even found out a few weeks later that Danya and Kevin went to Downtown Disney the same night to get dessert!!
I litterally LOLed when I read it on facebook :]
It was an amazing night and I was so thankful that they were such amazing people.
One of the best nights of my life,

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Finding the Perfect Parents.

When we told Sharri that we had chosen adoption for our baby, she started sending me emails of couples that matched our criteria. We wanted someone who wasn't too far away[our limit was two hours drive time(:], a youngerish couple, we didn't mind if they already had kids[adopted or biological], we didn't care if they had pets, we wanted the mom to be able to stay home with the baby, and we most definitely wanted an open adoption. Like, as open as it could possibly be without being weird. I looked at all the couples Sharri sent us, but none of them.. clicked. I've heard stories where girls look at a profile and they know. They look and they just.. know automatically that those people are who are supposed to raise their child. I started getting so discouraged, and then I started to worry. What if that won't happen for me? What if I don't find a couple in time? But then Sharri started to tell us about a couple she was the caseworker for. She couldn't tell us their names for confidentiality reasons, since they weren't up on the website yet, but she described them to us. She said they lived in Laguna Beach and she was short and he was tall, like CJ and I, and they loved to surf, and they owned their own little surf shop down by the beach, and they just sounded really great. At this point, I wanted to hold out until they were available so I could pick them.
Sharri still sent me emails, though, and I still looked, but still, nothing. I was waiting for that moment, and it wasn't coming. Every time I typed in those names, I thought, "They could be the ones!" But still, nothing. Sharri usually sent me a few couples in one email with something like, here are some names for you to check out, but one day she sent an email with just one couple's names. She said they were highly recommended and they wanted an open adoption with a birth couple. I kind of got excited. Open adoption?!?! That's exactly what WE want! Birth couple?!? That's us! But when I went to type their names into the website, nothing came up. My hopes were crushed. Never mind, I guess they're not the ones.
When we went to our weekly Sharri meeting, almost the first thing she asked was if we saw the couple that was so highly recommended. I told her that I typed their names in about ten times, but they refused to come up. So then she suggested we see if it works on the office computer. So we went into the office, we brought up the website, and typed in their names. Instantly, their profile popped up. Their names were Danya and Kevin. They were a really cute couple, and so we started to read their story. Each of us read a paragraph and instantly, we knew. They were the ones. They have everything. They were looking for an open adoption! We read all their little fun facts. He was a Deputy Sheriff; CJ wanted to be a Deputy Sheriff! They liked camping and going shooting, they liked books and movies; WE liked those things!! They were a young couple![Okay, just in case you didn't know, I have this thing about old parents. I never ever ever want to be an old mom. Like if you have kids when your 35, You'll be 45 by the time they're ten!!! That's crazy!! Okay, yeah I'm weird.] They had the most adorable little dog!! They liked Disneyland and were pass holders, WE WERE PASS HOLDERS!!!!
Okay, I think you get the point. But really, they were absolutely perfect for us. They were almost like CJ and I, but just a few years later.
That night, the spirit was so overly in that room, testifying to us that we met our match[In a good way!] and that these were them. This was the couple.
I finally got my perfect moment where I knew.
I just knew.

Monday, January 3, 2011

A Decision.

So sometime between when we got home from Dubai and before school got out, CJ and I made a decision. We were going to keep, raise and be parents this precious little girl-to-be. We started looking a schooling programs, and found one called ACCESS. It was a homeschooling program through the county and one of their goals was to help teenage parents get an education. They would even come to your house and teach you there! It sounded like something we definitely wanted to do, and so I went to go talk to my counselor about it. She, however, was not so keen on the topic. She would rather I go into a program through our district called, the Teen Mom Program. It was just at Lincoln Education Center, just down the street from my house. Everyone at the school was a teen mom and you even brought your babies to school! However, you did have to put them in the school's daycare/nursery-type area, which I was not so hot about. I completely believe that if you have a child, you should be able to raise it. Meaning, not dropping them off at day care for the day. I know many many people do this and it works out for them, but I, personally, would not be comfortable with it. However, my counselor was almost ignoring me, or at least it felt like it, because all she was talking about was the stupid teen mom program, and wouldn't give me any information or anything on ACCESS, and to get into ACCESS, you had to be recruited by your counselor. I was so insanely bummed that she wasn't even hearing me out! I eventually just agreed to at least see the campus of Lincoln and to meet with the counselor there.
So one day after school, my mom took me over to Lincoln education center where we proceeded to get lost [where DON'T we get lost(;], but eventually found the main office. Everyone there was so nice and so helpful, but I just got the feeling that it wasn't right for me. Especially since they didn't offer a lot of the classes that I was to take the following year, such as pre-calculus and culinary arts. They said I could always walk across the street to Garden Grove High School, but I didn't feel so comfortable doing that either. Luckily, my mom didn't really like the idea of the program either. Like me, she rather I stay home with the baby. At that point, I would have rather dropped out all together and just have gotten my GED. I was so frustrated.
There were good things, though, that came with our decision. For example, one day, my mom took CJ and I to Barnes and Nobel to look a baby name books. Not to buy, just to look ;] We looked at so many names that it hurt our heads. We wanted a kind of unique name; one that you don't hear often. We came across a name we really liked: Chloe. However, the spelling was a bit too ordinary for us so we thought about Khloe. And then we saw it spelled like Cloe. But then we decided we liked the K better and finally decided on Kloe. It was perfect.
From then on, we called her Kloe Kumiko Teague, and we already loved her so insanely much.
We were also looking at furniture and what not, and we found a really awesome crib that we really liked, and it was such a good price! We decided that was the crib we wanted and CJ's mom took us to go get it.
After that, reality really set in. We had finally made a decision! A decision we were happy about. A decision we were excited about. And yet, I couldn't help but feel that something wasn't completely right. I shrugged the feeling off, telling my self i was just nervous. I only had a couple more months till she was here.
One night though, we arrived at our weekly Thursday meeting with Sharri, and my mom confessed that she just didn't think we were making the right decision for the baby. She didn't want to sit in the meeting, because she was just so overfilled with emotion that she needed time to herself.
That night made me so confused. I knew this was the right decision for me. For us. For her. And yet, I couldn't get rid of the feeling. That unsettled nagging that something was not right.
A while before that, Sharri gave each of us, CJ and I, a video. "Single and Pregnant. Your options." It was a church video and I kept forgetting to watch it. But that night, when I got home, I popped it in my DVD player. I watched the video, prayed, and bawled, because I finally knew. I knew that this baby was not meant to be with us. She was meant for bigger and better things. She deserved a Mom and a Dad. And, although CJ and I had a firm, strong relationship, we were not married. We didn't even live together. This baby girl deserved parents who were married. Married in the Temple. Sealed, for time and all eternity, who she could be sealed to as well. And, at that moment in time, I felt I would be a horrible mother to refuse her of that for my own selfishness.
As much as it hurt me, I knew that we were supposed to place her with an amazing family. And I was so happy that CJ felt the same way.
I knew it would be the hardest thing of my entire life, but I knew that as long as we had each other, we could get through it.
This would still make us the best parents ever.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Rest of School

So after we got back from Dubai, we still had roughly two months until school got out [which was the 23rd of June, which would put me at about 6 months pregnant]. To say I was dying of sleep deprivation was an understatement[ okay maybe I'm being a bit.. over the top? :P], but really I was TIRED! I was still waking up at 5 in the AM and going to seminary, and then straight to school. By the time I got home, which was usually about 4ish, sometimes later, all I wanted to do was sleep.
I was also worrying major supreme because I was starting to show a lot more. I was worried that people would start to notice, which they did, and start rumors and all that stuff. I was actually very blessed, however, because I had SO much support. Everyone was so overly nice. To my face. But if they were mean behind my back, well, at least I didn't hear it. I think only one person really said something mean about me, and she said it to one of my very best friends which was really really stupid of her because, of course she would tell me. I won't go into detail or give names, because that's just plain drama-causing immature. I refuse to be that way. I will say though, if more people had said what she had, people probably would've gotten punched right in the kisser. I was that mad. :]
Everyone else, however, was so very nice, like I said before. People constantly asked how I was, girls always asked if they could rub my belly [a bit strange, especially when I didn't know them(or they were flirting with CJ at the beginning of the year, even though they KNEW we were together -.-) but whatever(:], and I even got an adorable little hat that Nancy Martinez MADE for the baby! [Thanks Nancy!!! Love youuu!!! :D] My drama friends Katie Nugent&Amanda Nguyen thought I should name her after them! We decided on Kamanda. OH YEAH :] To say I had support was such an understatement. I was shown so much love during those few months and I am so very grateful for it. I'd just like to say thank you to every single person who was so nice to me and didn't judge. So THANK YOU!(:
And the one person who was not quite the nicest, I forgive you. I know you probably didn't mean for me to read that message, and you wouldn't have said it if you knew I was going to read it. But it is what it is, It didn't affect my decision at all, and even made me stronger. So in a way, thank you to you too, for making me the stronger person that I am now. I don't hate you and I'm not mad anymore(: