Tuesday, May 10, 2011

August 23, 2010

The first night was rough.
Lilly did NOT like the bassinet at the hospital at all and pretty much refused to sleep in it.
I couldn't exactly walk yet either because of the numbness and the pain and CJ sleeps through pretty much anything. Including Lilly's cries.
I was so tired so the night was pretty much a haze. I think at one point the nurses took her to the nursery so we could get some sleep, which we gladly did.
Feeding her was an awful experience. I wanted to try and breast feed for the week we had her because it's just better for the baby. However, she had much difficulty latching and the nurse suggested bringing a lactation consultant in, but I didn't want to cause that much trouble. I also had heard of babies who got confused with the bottle and the breast and sometimes refused the bottle and I didn't want to make it harder for Danya, Kevin, and Lilly, so we eventually just gave her a bottle.
The next morning, my mom, my brother, and my grandparents came to see and meet Lilly.
Some of CJ's family came as well, including his sisters Vicky and Penny, and his mom.
Our case worker, Sharri, even got to come and see Miss Lilly while we were still in the hospital. She and her family were going up to Utah and stopped on their way out so Sharri could come see Lilly. It was a short visit, but we were glad she was able to come, and I'm pretty sure she was too.
Then, around lunch time, Danya and Kevin came to meet their daughter. When they walked in, CJ's sister, Penny, was holding Lilly. As Penny handed Lilly to Danya, the spirit was so strong. For the first time all day, I was so comfortable in that ugly little uncomfortable hospital room. Danya started to tear up, and while we all held back rolling tears, there was not a single dry eye in that room. We all knew that these were the parents of our little girl. Time passed quickly as we chatted, ooh'ed, ahh'ed, and giggled over Lilly, and taught Kevin how to change a diaper. All too soon, it was time for them to leave. And after they did, everyone else did, leaving CJ and I alone. We talked about how perfect it was seeing them with her and how even though we knew biologically she was ours, she didn't feel like ours. And she wasn't. At the end of Juno (my favorite movie of all time), Juno says something like, "He was always hers." And that is exactly how we felt. She was always meant to be their daughter. Heavenly Father knew that and he gave us the strength to recognize that she was not ours. That is one blessing I will never ever forget.
Our little moment was interrupted by the birth certificate lady, another moment I will never forget. She came in and got our names, but when she asked, "Baby's last name will be the father's, correct?" Incorrect. The baby's last name is Lynd. L-y-n-d. Lynd. I have never before seen a more confused look. She double checked that she had heard our last names correctly, that she wasn't missing anything. We then put her confusion to an end by telling her we were placing our daughter for adoption and that was their last name. I still don't think she totally understood, but she took that for an acceptable answer, typed the name, and was gone.
That night, CJ and I got the special "romantic, new parents dinner" that is complementary with a private room, which was courtesy of those wonderful people at LDS family services. It was about as romantic as you could get with the ugliest room ever, the most disgusting food ever, and poor crying Lilly. Which is not very if you couldn't tell. But that was fine. After everything that had happened, we really didn't need romantic. It was nice though, to sit and talk and have dinner with my most favorite man ever.
I don't remember much about the night, sleep-wise, other than it sucked. But it would soon be better since we got to go home the next day!♥