Wednesday, August 31, 2011

August 25th&26th, 2010.

The 25th of August is my brother Scotty's birthday. He really enjoyed getting to spend it with his niece. I, however, had a really really tough Wednesday. I'm not sure if it was the hormones that just come with having a baby or the fact that I was getting pretty attached to Lilly, but I just could not keep it together. I was totally bawling all day. My mom was really worried because she thought I was changing my mind about placing. She called Sharri and talked to her and they said if I wanted to, we could just have placement the next day, when Kevin and Danya were planning on visiting any way. But that wasn't it at all. I wasn't changing my mind. I was just really really really emotional. I just needed to hold Lilly and be alone for a little bit. After a while, I was totally fine. I'm still not sure why I was so upset that day, my best guess is a combination of our situation and the hormones, but I got over it and then got excited for Kevin and Danya to come over the next day to see Lilly.
We planned out them coming to see us and Lilly during the week we had her so they knew we weren't changing our minds about placing.
They were soo sweet and brought us lunch from yummy yummy In 'N Out Burger. We chatted and Danya even brought me the last book in the Hunger Games trilogy which had just come out.
It was such a great visit for all of us. I think both sides really needed the closure and reassurance from one another that this was still happening and was going to work out wonderfully.♥

August 24th, 2010.

On this glorious Tuesday morning, we got to bring our little Lilly home!!
However, CJ also had his senior pictures. So his mom came and picked him up and my mom came to help get everything all packed up. I changed Lilly in her cute little panda outfit that CJ and I picked out to take her home in, got changed myself, got all my stuff together, and told the hospital staff we were more than ready to leave. The only thing was, the old man would not let me walk. He insisted that I HAD to ride in the wheelchair. If you know me, you know I am pretty dang independent. I like to do things that I am perfectly capable of doing myself, by myself. But the old man would not give up, so I finally gave in and rode in his stupid wheelchair. But I didn't like it.
Anyway, we got home and settled in, ate some lunch, CJ came over. It was a really nice, relaxing day. It was so nice to finally be home.
That night, Lilly slept so insanely well it was ridiculous. Where was this baby who cried and cried and refused to sleep unless you held her? She was sound asleep in her swing. She only woke up once, maybe twice to eat and after she was done, she was done and was asleep faster than I was.
It was such a perfect day.♥

Delivery Room.

I wanted to write this post to touch on a subject I realized I didn't touch on in my August 22nd post. The delivery room.
It took me a while to figure out who I wanted in the delivery room with me. Obviously, I wanted CJ there. He was(and still is) my boyfriend and Lilly's birth father, so that was a given. I also wanted my mom there because, well, she's my mom. She was there for me at every doctors appointment and every step of the way and I wanted her there until the very end.
For a while, they were the only two who I wanted there. Until I talked to CJ about it and he expressed his mom's desire to be there as well. I immediately felt so awful that I hadn't even thought of including Tiffiny in the delivery room. She's always been so awesome towards me and there for me. She was almost like a second mom. Of course I had to include Tiffiny!
But then, when we chose to place, things got a bit more tricky. I had heard those stories of the couple being in the room during the delivery, the adoptive mom having the chest to chest time with the baby, the adoptive dad cutting the umbilical cord; really letting them have the whole experience. As much as I wanted them to have it, I wanted that too. I wanted CJ to be able to cut the umbilical cord, and I knew he wanted to as well, I wanted that chest to chest time with my baby while she was still mine. As much as I loved Kevin and Danya so much already, truth was, I had only met them once. I just felt it would be a little awkward to have them in there for all of that. I knew in my heart I was placing with them. She was their daughter. I just wanted that time to myself and my family.
So it was the four of us in the delivery room that day; me, CJ, my mom, and Tiffiny. We kept Danya and Kevin posted all day with texts. Whenever we were told something, we told them.
All in all, everything worked out really. I don't think their feelings were too hurt (at least I hope not) and we got our time with Lilly.♥